The Headless Horseman in Wonderland!
by PhantomZebra
Summary: Yeah...I hate summaries...The Headless Horseman goes to Wonderland...Oh yess...PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW....REVIEW OR DIE!
1. Chapter 1:The Horseman has tea!

Chapter 1. Muhaha.

Disclaimer-Heck no I don't own the headless horseman or Wonderland or the people IN wonderland! They're just awesome!

The Headless Horseman looked (or something close to it) around. Where was he? He'd just fallen down a rabbit hole, he remembered…He was without his horse, and definitely not in Sleepy Hollow. He saw a small table with two bottles on it. He picked one up. There was also a box of cookies. Oh, how interesting! The Horseman opened the bottle he had and poured it down the hole in his neck. Then he stood and waited. Suddenly everything seemed to grow a LOT bigger. There was a small white rabbit scampering about, towards a small door.

"Oh dear! I'm late! The Queen will surely have my head!" The rabbit whimpered. The Horseman liked that last part. Who was this Queen who beheaded people? He was determined to find out. He followed the rabbit to the door. Just before the door closed, the Horseman leapt inside. He heard the door yawn behind him.

"Hello! Would you like a spot of tea?" Asked a brown floppy eared rabbit. It was sitting at a long table with a man who had an oversized hat.

"Ummmm…"Said the Horseman, for he could speak. H can speak because A. He is a ghost. B. He has vocal chords, right?

"Tea! Of course!" Cried the man with the oversized hat, picking up a kettle and pouring tea into a cup. The Horseman drew his sword and sliced the cup in half, and was completely alarmed when the man handed him the half-cup anyways, with the tea still inside!

"HOW DID YOU…" The Horseman gasped. Then he sat down in a chair.

"So, would you like some buttered bread?" Asked the man with the oversized hat.

"Umm…Sure." Said the Horseman uncertainaly. The man with the oversized hat picked up a net from who-knows-where behind him and swiped it in the air. He caught a flying piece of bread and a flying yellow thing.

"What ARE those?" The Horseman asked, genuinely frightened at the flapping bread.

"Bread And Butter flies!" Said the brown rabbit.

"How incredibly ironic." The Horseman said dryly. The man with the oversized hat took the Butter fly and the Bread fly, put them together, then hit them with a mallet he pulled from behind his back. The Horseman yelped and almost fell backwards in his chair. The man with the oversized hat handed him the squashed piece of buttered bread. The Horseman took it shakily.

"SWITCH!" Yelled the rabbit, and the two of them scattered from their chairs, darting about, and sat in different ones. The Horseman moaned. He HAD to get out of here!


	2. Chapter 2:The Horseman meets a Friend!

Chapter 2

The Horseman meets a Friend

The Headless Horseman staggered out the door from the Mad tea party. The rabbit and the man with the oversized hat waved to him. Soon the Horseman saw two bright yellow eyes looking at him.

"Who are you?" The horseman growled.

"If I were to be someone, first you and I would have to exist." Said the eyes, and under them formed a big smile.

"…What?" Asked the Horseman confusedly.

"Why is what?" Asked the eyes and mouth.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?" The Horseman demanded.

"If I were to be doing it, first I would have to do so." Said the eyes and mouth. The Horseman screamed and ran away as fast as he could. He reached a small clearing in the woods, with lots of flowers. The Horseman heard distant singing, and drew his sword to wreak havoc on the innocent field of pretty flowers. Just then the flower he had his sword over _looked at him!_

"Hello!" Said the flower. The Horseman staggered back and tripped over a tulip.

"Hello!" Said the tulip. If the Horseman had eyes or a mouth, his eyes would have been wide and his jaw would have dropped.

"DAEMONIC FLOWERS!" Cried the Horseman, hacking at the flowers wildly with his unsheathed sword. He panted and looked (or something like it) about. Flower petals were all over the ground and pieces of stems had flown everywhere. It had been a flowery massacre. All the Hippies in Sleepy Hollow would frown on him. The Horseman got up, brushed dead flower petals off himself, and began to walk again. Soon he ran into a bunch of giant playing cards. They seemed to be…painting roses?

"Hey, you!" Said the Horseman. One card turned and LOOKED AT HIM.

"Yes? What are you doing in the Queen's courtyard?" The card demanded.

"Who the heck are you and who's the Queen?" Asked the Horseman.

"The Queen of Hearts, Queen of Wonderland!" Said the card. Then he started to sob.

"What's wrong with you?" The Horseman grunted emotionlessly.

"She doesn't like me because I'm a SPADE and not a HEART!" The card wailed.

"Good for you." Said the Horseman, uninterested.

"I'm Fredrick the Spade. I'll show you to the Queen." Said the card. He tromped off. The Horseman followed him. Soon he reached a GIANT stand, on which sat a lady in a weird poofy dress.

"WHO ARE YOU?" Demanded the Queen of Hearts.

"I'm the Headless Horseman." Said the Horseman.

"How dare you come to my courtyard without permission! OFF WITH HIS HEAD…Oh my." Said the Queen, genuinely confused about how she could behead the Headless Horseman.

"I thought I'd get that sooner or later." The Horseman muttered.

"Well, do play a game of croquet with me." Said the Queen, throwing him a green flamingo.

"Ummm…"Said the Horseman. Since he didn't know he was supposed to play croquet with the flamingo, he beheaded it instead.

"Okay, maybe we won't play croquet then…"Said the Queen, shaking her head. The Horseman REALLY had to get out of here!


	3. Chapter 3: The Horseman meets Alice!

Chapter 3

The Horseman meets Alice

The Horseman dropped the dead flamingo and looked up at the Queen. She was still in shock from him brutally murdering the croquet device. Thus, she demanded that Fredrick the Spade take the Horseman away. Fredrick dragged the Horseman off. The Horseman was thrown out of the courtyard, and the gate slammed behind him. He noticed he was lying beside a tree, and there was a girl in a blue and white dress sitting with her back to the tree. She was staring at him.

"Hello." Said the Horseman.

"Hello." Said the girl.

There was more staring.

"I fell down a rabbit hole and got here." Said the girl.

"So did I." Said the Horseman.

"I'm Alice." Said the girl.

"I'm the Headless Horseman." Said the Horseman.

"I can see that." Said Alice.

"Oh." Said the Horseman.

Staring occurred.

"..Should we try to find a way out of here?" Suggested Alice.

"Sure." Said the Horseman, and they got up and walked off. They came to a big mushroom, and on top of that was a big caterpillar. He was smoking.

"You know, you can get addicted if you aren't careful. Mother says smoking kills." Alice scolded. The caterpillar didn't seem to care, and blew a smoke ring at them.

"Ohhhh thhat's how it iss." He droned, extremely high from his smoking.

"Yes." Alice stated.

"Do you know a way out of here?" The Horseman interrupted.

"Perhhhaps Idoo…" Said the caterpillar, taking a long drag on his pipe and breathing out a giant cloud of smoke.

"…Right. Bye." Said the Horseman, dragging Alice away from the high smoking maniac.


	4. Chapter 4:The Horseman is Amused!

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry I haven't updated! Been swamped with homework…

No owning of zee Horseman or any of other characters is being of done by me, please.

Chapter 4

The Horseman Is Amused

When we last left off, the Horseman and Alice were walking away from the crazy smoking caterpillar.

"So, are we going to find our way out of here, then?" Alice asked.

"Certainly. Let's follow this path." Says the Horseman. They walk along the path for hours and hours (being careful to avoid the patches of singing dandelions and tulips, for fear of the Horseman's rage). Soon they encountered two men who seemed to be bouncing and bopping each other on the head while standing on a log.

"We're Tweedle-Dee…"

"…And Tweedle-Dum." They said, finishing each other's sentences. The Horseman took out his sword and growled slightly, but Alice made him put it away.

"You have to be nice to the crazy people in Wonderland." She whispered to him.

"Ohhh…" Said the Horseman, normally solving all of his problems with a single cut to his rival's neck. The Horseman sat on the log and watched as Alice made an attempt to communicate with the odd creatures who continued bouncing. The Horseman was quite amused, as she was getting nowhere with it. Suddenly Alice got so fed up with it that she grabbed the Horseman's sword and attacked Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum, sending them running and bouncing away, yelping and trying to stop the bleeding on all of their gashes. Alice panted for a minute, then handed the Horseman his sword. The Horseman was slightly frightened of this, and he took the sword, noting to himself that he had to keep the weapon away from the little girl. They continued down the path for hours and hours, and finally the Horseman saw a light.

"A light! We're almost there!" He cried, rushing towards it. Alice tugged him back and gazed at him as if he were stupid.

"That's the sun coming up, Mr. Horseman. We're not anywhere near getting out." She said. The Horseman groaned unhappily and they trudged off again to try and get back to the real world. _When I get back,_ thought the Horseman, _I'm going to decapitate the entire population of Sleepy Hollow…_He continued his happy thoughts so he would perhaps be able to get out of this crazy place.


End file.
